Summer is nearly over as the new school year looms in my not-so-distant future. I will, quite happily, be standing in front of a high school classroom for the first time in over a year. In addition, I will continue to teach my college courses in the evening. The fall semester, it turns out, will be quite a busy one for me! Strangely, I find myself a bit anxious about standing in front of those high school classes. Oh, most of that anxiety is simply the desire to get to it – I’ve missed it horribly. The rest is nerves – I get them every time! Much like my short stint in community theater, when I paced backstage or broke out in a cold sweat prior to setting foot in front of the lights, I tend to run a bit high on adrenaline before the school year starts. Will I remember my lines? Just as suddenly as it begins, it will fade as I step before my students. The little kid in me, aiming to please, wanting to be liked, will step back and I will find myself transformed…into my father?!
Ouch! Okay, when did that happen? Truth be told, I noticed my father creeping in the very first moments I started teaching – he’s been there all along! This December will mark the sixth anniversary of my father’s death, yet he seems more present in my life than ever before. It’s not just physically either – I mean I have his chin, the shape and fullness of his mouth, the ever dwindling amount of hair, and his eyes, especially his eyes. They catch me off guard sometimes, looking back at me through every mirror. It’s more than even that – it’s his attitude, his approach to so many things. Where do I begin so you’ll understand? How do I sum up what I learned from him and hope to teach to my students?
My father was born on a potato farm in the northern tip of Maine…no, scratch that, too far back! Suffice to say, my father came from humble beginnings. The youngest of eleven surviving children, he received only a high school education before serving in the military during the Korean War. He returned, married my mother, and proceeded to have a brood of his own (I am the seventh of nine children). Life, it turns out, had plans that differed greatly from his. My father had wanted, at one point in his life, to be a lawyer and had life allowed it, I think he would have been a great one, perhaps even a better judge. He was, instead, a postal worker for over 30 years of his life. The last years of his career were in labor relations, which fulfilled, to some degree, his legal eagle desires. My father lived in the reality of life – you get what you get and you better make the best of it. He also struggled with his demons – his failures, real and perceived, and his pains. Some of his demons won out, some didn’t. Like most children, I tried to figure him out, to understand him, and to forgive him. There were times I hated him, times I adored him, and times I just didn’t get him. In the end, I discovered he was just a human being. No more, no less.
With my father, lessons were learned through discussion, by example, and by complete accident!
Lesson one – shoulder your responsibilities. We all have them, we can’t escape them (even if we shirk them, there remains a consequence), and we all need them to help shape and define us. Once you find yourself in a place of responsibility – face it, bear it, and make the best of it. This, my father did exceptionally well. He never wanted nine children. He never wanted a wife who struggled horribly with deep religious beliefs and debilitating depression. He never wanted to struggle with finances all of his life. This is, however, what he got and he took it on full-tilt. He did not run away. Don’t mistake me, he did not do it perfectly – no parent does. But he did face them as best he could, and he taught us to face them. You are responsible to look after your brother. You are responsible for your household chores. You are responsible to pass your grades and get a high school diploma. You are responsible for getting, paying, and maintaining your own car. I hated it at the time, but realized later how it shaped my approach to life and work. It’s a level of personal ethics I sometimes see as lacking in today’s youth. When did we forget to teach them of their responsibilities?
Lesson two – discipline is good, when it is doled out fairly. My father was quite strict, with nine children you have to be (well, as best as he could be, since chaos seemed to rule most days)! We had chores that could not be escaped. Additional sentences were doled out and served working in the garden, pulling weeds or stones or both. While he spanked and hit on occasion, he usually only needed to yell to scare the crap out of me. What my father did do, to his credit, was try to be fair. He aimed for the instigator, but didn’t ignore the participants! We all got our share (granted my older siblings seasoned our father for us, so we got a kinder, um, gentler, dad as we came of age). In adolescence, when he couldn’t just hit us or yell, he lectured, fairly, squarely, and honestly. These, more than anything else, come racing back to me as a teacher. If one thing would make my father laugh today, it would be knowing that I’m doling out those same lectures. He was, essentially, right. He “got” it and I finally get it, too!
Lesson three – that’s life – deal with it! In the face of a dying dream, what do you do? In a single conversation, my father shared his feeling of loss when he realized that law would not be something he would practice. The map of his life path had changed and there was nothing he could do about it. Nothing except let go of one dream and embrace another one. Unfortunately, the other dream remained murky at best. He did not have the benefit of creating a new one to pursue. Life hands you what it does and you have to take it – you don’t have a choice. Well, you do, but that choice isn’t often pretty. In the twilight of that dying dream, he could have left my mother and older siblings and raced off after it. That option, however, conflicted with lesson one, so it was a “no-go!” Later, life threw more at him. My mother’s increasing mental illness and eventual death, my siblings’ trouble with the law, the discord between many of us and our step-mother, and the list goes on. He practiced resiliency at a level that can be hard to fathom at times. “Life goes on,” he would say, and so it does. Resiliency is as important to teach today as any other skill and resonates in my teaching as much responsibility. They go hand-in-hand in my approach with students. Okay, stop chuckling back there Dad!
Lesson four – sometimes you win, sometimes you lose! This one my father taught more by example than actual discussion. Many of the challenges faced by my father sparked his internal demons – the feeling of failure, the lack of self-esteem and self-worth, the sense of helplessness and victimization, and the resentment and anger over his lost dreams. He would struggle with these all of his life, masking them with alcohol, taking them out on his children with angry words, and in other ways I’m sure we know nothing about. The key to demons is to fight – the battle can be unyielding, messy, and always unpleasant, but you fight regardless. My father lost some battles repeatedly – when the demons gang up, what can you do? His failures, however, provided me with a means to find success, or at least a truce with many of my own demons. Our students come to us with so many demons already on the field, like a scene from the Lord of the Rings trilogy, and they are armorless, weaponless, and have no Gandalf the Grey to cast a spell. How we guide them can lead to treasure or ruin. Aim for the treasure every time. Face your losses with dignity and own them. If you own it, the demon has a harder time throwing it in your face!
These are only four lessons of the many I’ve learned from and through my father; others slip in and out as I face different challenges. Many help me, a few hinder me, but they all remain with me. As for my father, he’s there – in every classroom, sitting behind a desk, waiting to see what I’ll do next and watching his own reflection. Occasionally I hear him laugh and have to give him a stern look, until I realize it isn’t him, but me looking back from the other side of that mirror!
Sunday, August 14, 2011
Friday, July 29, 2011
Ken Robinson says schools kill creativity | Video on TED.com
Ken Robinson says schools kill creativity Video on TED.com
A great discussion by Sir Ken Robinson that gets to the heart of re-thinking education. Where do we go from here?
A great discussion by Sir Ken Robinson that gets to the heart of re-thinking education. Where do we go from here?
Friday, July 22, 2011
Choosing a Pathway
This past school year proved to be a difficult one. Leaving a position for several reasons, and they were all good, solid reasons which I believe were correct, meant spending the year in teaching limbo. Thankfully, I was able to find some adjunct work at two colleges and substitute for a local school district as well. While these hardly equated to a full time paycheck, they did manage to save my sanity and prevent complete financial ruin (although the summer months will require tight purse strings). Fortunately, I have been hired to teach full time at a good public high school in the fall, as well as maintain my adjunct position at the local community college. The tide, I hope, has turned.
With my new position comes a set of questions from my friends and peers that usually surround one central idea: are you eventually going to focus on college teaching? In this day and age, when public school teachers are beset with codified standards, mandatory testing, and tightened budgets, it would seem that the answer to that question would be easy, but it’s not! The truth is I love teaching at both, so how would I choose? Should I even have to? The fact is, if it were up to me, I’d find a way that every teacher could spend time teaching at different grade levels in their content area. The experience gained by working with students in various grades provides incredible insights into the challenges faced by our students during their educational journey, as well as the difficulties tackled by our peers.
As a college adjunct, not only am I privy to the methods and factors that determine success in a college classroom, I am able to take this information and use it to shape my practice, and that of my colleagues, at the high school level. This experience has been invaluable, and disturbing. Our incoming college freshmen are lacking in their ability to think critically and apply it to their interpretation of material or reflect it in their writing. A troubling discovery to say the least! They also lack the stamina to create papers of sufficient length (and therefore depth) that fully explore a given topic. Our public education system’s desire to create proficient test takers has resulted in ill-equipped thinkers who, at the very least, are unable to fully substantiate their ideas, and, at the worst, fear to express their own opinions. Couple this with the “everything at your fingertips” culture and the result is generations of low-stamina, short-sighted adults who are unable to compete in our global job markets.
Not a very bright outcome, is it? Teaching at the high school level is vital to me – not only because I believe that you can’t simply criticize a system, you need to be a part of the change within it, but because it offers experience that can only be found with young people at this age. They offer insight and points of view that are unique, and often times startling. They also leave an indelible mark on you. Just the other day, I received a card from my former students in Hawai`i. It reminds me how much I miss working with teens and how important a teacher can be in their lives. Yes, it’s nice to hear that they miss me or that they liked me; but more importantly, it was great to be reminded of the impact they’ve had on me. I grew as a teacher with them in ways I don’t know if I would in the college arena alone. The fact is, if I am to grow into the educator I so want to be, then I will need to continue my journey through both words of academia. I can’t wait to get back into a high school classroom and I’m grateful for the opportunity! Look out, Fall 2011, I’m on my way!
With my new position comes a set of questions from my friends and peers that usually surround one central idea: are you eventually going to focus on college teaching? In this day and age, when public school teachers are beset with codified standards, mandatory testing, and tightened budgets, it would seem that the answer to that question would be easy, but it’s not! The truth is I love teaching at both, so how would I choose? Should I even have to? The fact is, if it were up to me, I’d find a way that every teacher could spend time teaching at different grade levels in their content area. The experience gained by working with students in various grades provides incredible insights into the challenges faced by our students during their educational journey, as well as the difficulties tackled by our peers.
As a college adjunct, not only am I privy to the methods and factors that determine success in a college classroom, I am able to take this information and use it to shape my practice, and that of my colleagues, at the high school level. This experience has been invaluable, and disturbing. Our incoming college freshmen are lacking in their ability to think critically and apply it to their interpretation of material or reflect it in their writing. A troubling discovery to say the least! They also lack the stamina to create papers of sufficient length (and therefore depth) that fully explore a given topic. Our public education system’s desire to create proficient test takers has resulted in ill-equipped thinkers who, at the very least, are unable to fully substantiate their ideas, and, at the worst, fear to express their own opinions. Couple this with the “everything at your fingertips” culture and the result is generations of low-stamina, short-sighted adults who are unable to compete in our global job markets.
Not a very bright outcome, is it? Teaching at the high school level is vital to me – not only because I believe that you can’t simply criticize a system, you need to be a part of the change within it, but because it offers experience that can only be found with young people at this age. They offer insight and points of view that are unique, and often times startling. They also leave an indelible mark on you. Just the other day, I received a card from my former students in Hawai`i. It reminds me how much I miss working with teens and how important a teacher can be in their lives. Yes, it’s nice to hear that they miss me or that they liked me; but more importantly, it was great to be reminded of the impact they’ve had on me. I grew as a teacher with them in ways I don’t know if I would in the college arena alone. The fact is, if I am to grow into the educator I so want to be, then I will need to continue my journey through both words of academia. I can’t wait to get back into a high school classroom and I’m grateful for the opportunity! Look out, Fall 2011, I’m on my way!
Thursday, June 23, 2011
Out in the Classroom
As one school year ends, another awaits the passing of summer. This next school year I will be starting as an English teacher at a suburban public high schools. Relieved and excited, I recently talked with a friend about how much I’ve missed the high school environment this past year. Don’t get me wrong, I love teaching at the college and it will remain a part of my modus operandi because it continues to be a vital practice that informs my high school teaching methods. There is something, however, about working with high school students. The social development and intellectual growth of the age range fascinates me. High school students, despite the frustrations, can offer some amazing insights into our world – if you can hook them! Somewhere in my long-winded, happy discourse on the joys of teaching adolescents, my friend stopped and asked, “So…how ‘out’ will you be at this new school?” Amazingly, I was a bit surprised at the question – afterall, this is me we’re talking about – does the question truly need to be asked? My response echoed this sentiment. Simply put – “I’ll be as out as I always am.”
The question, though, does linger because it is something we have to consider, unlike our heterosexual counterparts. No one asks them how open they will be about their sexuality in the classroom or at the school. Pictures of their spouses, families, and friends can be found on their desks or classroom walls, yet we have to consider the implications our personal lives may have on coworkers, students, and even the students’ families. Have I gone soft or dumb? Did I allow myself to think that because I live in a state that has legalized gay marriage that my personal life would not be an issue? Does the fact that I’ve been asked by a straight friend say more about her discomfort than the reality of the situation? Or is it reflective of the general attitudes we face each day? The fact is, being out is never simple, yet it is, in my opinion, necessary.
One of the greatest joys I’ve had during the last three years of teaching is the number of students who have come out to me, asking for advice or just needing to tell someone and feel accepted. The journey to discovering one's self, whether it centers around one’s sexuality or life circumstances, isn’t easy. We can all remember the awkwardness of our teen years, the need for acceptance, the desire to be loved, and the overwhelming weight with which everything is felt. Adolescence, in this sense, has not changed. Our teens, however, do face changing circumstances. The internet has altered the social landscape, extending the arm of friendship across borders, but also lengthening the reach of bullies and wrongdoers. This has been clearly evident in our schools and especially among LGB T teens.
The increased visibility of the LGBT community has been both a blessing and a curse. Greater acceptance with one hand comes with the invariable slap-down from the other. The numerous suicides and violence towards gay youth in the last year highlight the ongoing struggle faced both in and outside of the classroom. Technology has only added another dimension to this struggle as social networking and internet videos play roles in the support of and damage to LGBT youth. While bullies use the internet to spread gossip, to out individuals who are not ready for the emotional consequences, and to ostracize those the bullies feel are different, there are those that have used it to build pathways to support our LGBT youth. Dan Savage’s “It Gets Better” movement is one prime example of the latter. I like the idea, but I’m not sure I’d go with “It gets better”…but with YOU get better. When you make the choice to live, to face your life, to resist the taunts, the jeers, and the violence, YOU get better. Your resilience grows, your life changes, and you find yourself among the living. The hate remains, as much as I wish it didn’t. Fear and bitterness will continue to infect the minds and souls of some – masked in the litany of religious passages and moral epithets. YOU, however, will learn to accept it for what it is and allow it to fall to the wayside, because in the end, it doesn’t matter – YOU do. Your life blossoms and what awaits you can be wonderful.
This is the reason (or one of them) that I will always be an out teacher. For those who are concerned by such an act, let me be clear: my private life has as much place in the classroom as that of my heterosexual peers; in other words, NONE. It does NOT play a role in my teaching, I do NOT wear it on my sleeve, and I do NOT act as a poster boy (although I do have a cute smile that would look good on a poster). What I AM is honest when I am asked the right questions by students. I will not shy away from who I am and I will not lie when confronted about how I live my life and with whom. I am proud of my partner and the life we share. If someone doesn’t want to know, then don’t ask. I do not espouse for one group or another, but promote equality for everyone. My role as an educator is not to teach what to think, but how to think: with clarity, with logic, and with respect. What I want my peers, my students, and their families to recognize is that I live my life as they live theirs: openly, honestly, and with dignity. Shouldn’t that be the example we all lead with?
The question, though, does linger because it is something we have to consider, unlike our heterosexual counterparts. No one asks them how open they will be about their sexuality in the classroom or at the school. Pictures of their spouses, families, and friends can be found on their desks or classroom walls, yet we have to consider the implications our personal lives may have on coworkers, students, and even the students’ families. Have I gone soft or dumb? Did I allow myself to think that because I live in a state that has legalized gay marriage that my personal life would not be an issue? Does the fact that I’ve been asked by a straight friend say more about her discomfort than the reality of the situation? Or is it reflective of the general attitudes we face each day? The fact is, being out is never simple, yet it is, in my opinion, necessary.
One of the greatest joys I’ve had during the last three years of teaching is the number of students who have come out to me, asking for advice or just needing to tell someone and feel accepted. The journey to discovering one's self, whether it centers around one’s sexuality or life circumstances, isn’t easy. We can all remember the awkwardness of our teen years, the need for acceptance, the desire to be loved, and the overwhelming weight with which everything is felt. Adolescence, in this sense, has not changed. Our teens, however, do face changing circumstances. The internet has altered the social landscape, extending the arm of friendship across borders, but also lengthening the reach of bullies and wrongdoers. This has been clearly evident in our schools and especially among LGB T teens.
The increased visibility of the LGBT community has been both a blessing and a curse. Greater acceptance with one hand comes with the invariable slap-down from the other. The numerous suicides and violence towards gay youth in the last year highlight the ongoing struggle faced both in and outside of the classroom. Technology has only added another dimension to this struggle as social networking and internet videos play roles in the support of and damage to LGBT youth. While bullies use the internet to spread gossip, to out individuals who are not ready for the emotional consequences, and to ostracize those the bullies feel are different, there are those that have used it to build pathways to support our LGBT youth. Dan Savage’s “It Gets Better” movement is one prime example of the latter. I like the idea, but I’m not sure I’d go with “It gets better”…but with YOU get better. When you make the choice to live, to face your life, to resist the taunts, the jeers, and the violence, YOU get better. Your resilience grows, your life changes, and you find yourself among the living. The hate remains, as much as I wish it didn’t. Fear and bitterness will continue to infect the minds and souls of some – masked in the litany of religious passages and moral epithets. YOU, however, will learn to accept it for what it is and allow it to fall to the wayside, because in the end, it doesn’t matter – YOU do. Your life blossoms and what awaits you can be wonderful.
This is the reason (or one of them) that I will always be an out teacher. For those who are concerned by such an act, let me be clear: my private life has as much place in the classroom as that of my heterosexual peers; in other words, NONE. It does NOT play a role in my teaching, I do NOT wear it on my sleeve, and I do NOT act as a poster boy (although I do have a cute smile that would look good on a poster). What I AM is honest when I am asked the right questions by students. I will not shy away from who I am and I will not lie when confronted about how I live my life and with whom. I am proud of my partner and the life we share. If someone doesn’t want to know, then don’t ask. I do not espouse for one group or another, but promote equality for everyone. My role as an educator is not to teach what to think, but how to think: with clarity, with logic, and with respect. What I want my peers, my students, and their families to recognize is that I live my life as they live theirs: openly, honestly, and with dignity. Shouldn’t that be the example we all lead with?
Monday, May 2, 2011
Resources, not Punishment
http://www.nytimes.com/2011/05/01/opinion/01eggers.html?emc=eta1
An interesting article. If we put the salaries aside, teachers currently in the profession are not in it for the money, we are once again reminded that equal access to resources is what schools, teachers, and students need. In the end, the greatest roadblock to student achievement is poverty, not teachers. If we can alleviate it, perhaps those students will once again see the value to education. We have a long way to go yet!
An interesting article. If we put the salaries aside, teachers currently in the profession are not in it for the money, we are once again reminded that equal access to resources is what schools, teachers, and students need. In the end, the greatest roadblock to student achievement is poverty, not teachers. If we can alleviate it, perhaps those students will once again see the value to education. We have a long way to go yet!
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