Out in the Classroom

As one school year ends, another awaits the passing of summer. This next school year I will be starting as an English teacher at a suburban public high schools. Relieved and excited, I recently talked with a friend about how much I’ve missed the high school environment this past year. Don’t get me wrong, I love teaching at the college and it will remain a part of my modus operandi because it continues to be a vital practice that informs my high school teaching methods. There is something, however, about working with high school students. The social development and intellectual growth of the age range fascinates me. High school students, despite the frustrations, can offer some amazing insights into our world – if you can hook them! Somewhere in my long-winded, happy discourse on the joys of teaching adolescents, my friend stopped and asked, “So…how ‘out’ will you be at this new school?” Amazingly, I was a bit surprised at the question – afterall, this is me we’re talking about – does the question truly need to be asked? My response echoed this sentiment. Simply put – “I’ll be as out as I always am.”

The question, though, does linger because it is something we have to consider, unlike our heterosexual counterparts. No one asks them how open they will be about their sexuality in the classroom or at the school. Pictures of their spouses, families, and friends can be found on their desks or classroom walls, yet we have to consider the implications our personal lives may have on coworkers, students, and even the students’ families. Have I gone soft or dumb? Did I allow myself to think that because I live in a state that has legalized gay marriage that my personal life would not be an issue? Does the fact that I’ve been asked by a straight friend say more about her discomfort than the reality of the situation? Or is it reflective of the general attitudes we face each day? The fact is, being out is never simple, yet it is, in my opinion, necessary.

One of the greatest joys I’ve had during the last three years of teaching is the number of students who have come out to me, asking for advice or just needing to tell someone and feel accepted. The journey to discovering one's self, whether it centers around one’s sexuality or life circumstances, isn’t easy. We can all remember the awkwardness of our teen years, the need for acceptance, the desire to be loved, and the overwhelming weight with which everything is felt. Adolescence, in this sense, has not changed. Our teens, however, do face changing circumstances. The internet has altered the social landscape, extending the arm of friendship across borders, but also lengthening the reach of bullies and wrongdoers. This has been clearly evident in our schools and especially among LGB T teens.

The increased visibility of the LGBT community has been both a blessing and a curse. Greater acceptance with one hand comes with the invariable slap-down from the other. The numerous suicides and violence towards gay youth in the last year highlight the ongoing struggle faced both in and outside of the classroom. Technology has only added another dimension to this struggle as social networking and internet videos play roles in the support of and damage to LGBT youth. While bullies use the internet to spread gossip, to out individuals who are not ready for the emotional consequences, and to ostracize those the bullies feel are different, there are those that have used it to build pathways to support our LGBT youth. Dan Savage’s “It Gets Better” movement is one prime example of the latter. I like the idea, but I’m not sure I’d go with “It gets better”…but with YOU get better. When you make the choice to live, to face your life, to resist the taunts, the jeers, and the violence, YOU get better. Your resilience grows, your life changes, and you find yourself among the living. The hate remains, as much as I wish it didn’t. Fear and bitterness will continue to infect the minds and souls of some – masked in the litany of religious passages and moral epithets. YOU, however, will learn to accept it for what it is and allow it to fall to the wayside, because in the end, it doesn’t matter – YOU do. Your life blossoms and what awaits you can be wonderful.

This is the reason (or one of them) that I will always be an out teacher. For those who are concerned by such an act, let me be clear: my private life has as much place in the classroom as that of my heterosexual peers; in other words, NONE. It does NOT play a role in my teaching, I do NOT wear it on my sleeve, and I do NOT act as a poster boy (although I do have a cute smile that would look good on a poster). What I AM is honest when I am asked the right questions by students. I will not shy away from who I am and I will not lie when confronted about how I live my life and with whom. I am proud of my partner and the life we share. If someone doesn’t want to know, then don’t ask. I do not espouse for one group or another, but promote equality for everyone. My role as an educator is not to teach what to think, but how to think: with clarity, with logic, and with respect. What I want my peers, my students, and their families to recognize is that I live my life as they live theirs: openly, honestly, and with dignity. Shouldn’t that be the example we all lead with?