Future Pending

Blogging should be easy, right? It is amazing how difficult it becomes when you are spending the majority of your time searching for work! The last year ended with some difficult choices and now I seem to face an abyss – finding regular full time work AND making a determination as to where I want to focus my energy – secondary schools or post-secondary institutions. Either way, the last few months have been spent jumping through hoops in hopes that a full time job would turn up. Alas, it seems the race continues. For a country that desperately needs to improve its education system, it bodes ill when teachers can’t find jobs.


Okay, I’ll be honest – I had a job and walked away from it. A perfectly good charter school, with a group of focused, determined peers. All was well, except for one or two things…one: what I found when I interviewed was not the reality of the school, and two: I felt no joy at being in the classroom. Not small items to be certain. I don’t think the school misrepresented themselves (not purposely anyway), but I discovered that while charter schools have great intentions and peers, they are plagued by the same implementation problems that our public school system has. Mix this with a 10 to 12 hour day and one finds oneself exhausted! To go in to work at 7am and leave a 5 to 6pm, with grading and planning awaiting you at home (despite being told you'd have three hours of prep somewhere in the day), leads to burnout on a large scale. I and two other teachers left – leaving behind a group of brand new teachers who will be experiencing "trial by fire."

Perhaps the biggest clue that it was not working was the sudden lack of joy I felt in the classroom. In the four years previous, I had never felt this. Every day I got up, I couldn’t wait to go to work – to be in the classroom with the students. Mind you, some days included being sworn at, challenged to fights, or having students fight amongst themselves in front of you – and yet, my joy did not diminish. Not this time. I dreaded every day and did not enjoy the classroom at all. It would be easy to say it was because of the student group, but that wouldn’t be true. The students didn't swear or fight with me, they just lacked respect and didn't listen.  I know that when things are off in a classroom, the place to start is with yourself. What wasn’t I doing or getting? I came to the following conclusions:

1. I think the age group of the students was wrong for me. I have garnered a whole new respect for middle school teachers – hormonal tweens are difficult beyond compare! All of you have earned my healthy respect and admiration.


2. The school’s approach to difficult students lacked effectiveness, which left me feeling disappointed.  Students needing special education or attention were thrown in with the rest with little or no support - that, we know, leads to student frustration and ultimately disruption.  In addition, there were mixed messages about classroom expectation - 100% or no - what did they really want?!?

3. I had expectations, based on my initial interview and demo lesson that were not met – by the school, and on some level, by me.   The school's intent was there, but the follow through was poor - they lacked the necessary staffing and protocols.  As for me, I perhaps jumped too fast without thinking about what I really wanted for myself as a teacher.  Perhaps if I hadn't been rosy-eyed, I would have thought twice about the age group!

In the end, I’m a firm believer that if you don’t feel joy in a classroom, you have to ask yourself the reasons you’re there. When I mentioned this to peers at the school, I was told that the joy would return. It might take a six months, a year, maybe even two…but I couldn’t help feeling that was wrong. It shouldn't have to disappear and then reappear later (if you’re lucky). If a situation is good, the joy is present - despite the obstacles.  I hope the administration of the school really thinks about that and is able to create the right atmosphere – I know that’s what they want in the end, but, as is often discovered, the road to hell is paved with good intentions. While charter schools have much to offer, they still have a long way to go – that does not mean we should ignore them or do away with them – they offer a perspective that needs to be considered by the public school sector and by families and communities as well. I’m disappointed with my experience and with myself when it comes down to it. I had hoped for and expected something better.

With all of this said, I placed myself in the “out of work” category at a very difficult time. School districts in Connecticut are difficult to break into for various reasons. I am, for all intent and purposes, an unknown quantity here, and with so many local teachers having been displaced at the end of the last school year, they are on the “first hire” list, so to speak. This leaves new teachers and transferring teachers from out of state on the “wait” list. I’ve applied for so many jobs in the last few months my head is spinning – from full time positions to long-term substitute positions – most were met with silence, others garnered a “thank you and we’ll let you know” and then silence. Lucky for me, a few colleges were hiring and I secured two adjunct positions. Once more in the classroom, I discovered joy! This leads me to believe that the age group of my charter school students played a huge role – I simply was a fish out of water…too far out of water. Older students, I’ve discovered, are my forte and I’ll stick to that from here on out!

I love being an adjunct; I just wish it was full time! On its own, it simply doesn’t pay enough – although it is saving my mental well being at the moment. It’s also first come, first serve. I find that one school has work for me, the other doesn’t – if both did, I might breathe a bit easier. I try to supplement by substitute teaching, but with a low pay rate for subs ($75 - $90/day) and the incredible amount of snow days the Northeast has suffered lately, I find myself not working more days than I’d wish! Such frustrations are not unusual for new teachers and I can see the reasons so many leave the field within the first five years. It is a sad statement about our country that education suffers to such an extent that good teachers (or teachers that really want to improve and become good) can’t find work or sustain themselves in the field. I’m determined to hold out as best I can, but I do have to contemplate part-time work outside of the field at this point and that worries me. I will, however, continue to hope for the best, seek opportunities that will keep me in the field, and work toward self-improvement to inform my practice and methods. Who knows – perhaps I should write a book about it? Hmmmmm….